The Courage to Break Free: Embracing Vulnerability in Writing and Life

You’re often told, as a person, that when life is difficult, the best thing to do, in many situations, is to ‘fake it until you make it.’ Why? Why do I have to Fake anything? Why do I have to pretend that things aren’t going well? And why is this advice so readily given?

The answer? Comfortability. Not for you… but for others. Hear me out. I realize it is difficult to see someone suffer. It sucks. As someone who wants to bring joy to others and goes out of their way, often to her detriment, to help them see past their problems and focus on the good, I get it. But to encourage someone to repress their emotions just… sucks.

There is no other way to put it. ‘Feeling’ is part of the human condition. We feel so that we can protect ourselves, celebrate our wins, and correct those things that don’t bring us joy.

So this particular quote of the day from Vex King hit hard today. As they often do when I flip this calendar. You shouldn’t RESIST an emotion. It hurts more when you do.

How does this relate to an author’s life? Well… Everything… I am a person, and my characters may be in a book, but they feel just as hard because I feel everything they do. Sometimes, most times, I feel it even deeper than they do. Why? Because as I close my eyes and put their pain to paper, I am stricken with the urge to help them ‘unfeel’ to help them seem tougher so that they don’t have to feel the soul-crushing difficulties that life often throws at someone. But that wouldn’t help them grow, and it wouldn’t make them real. So I have to talk myself off the ledge...Because when you take someone’s chance to develop, whether on paper or in person, you are stealing their victories and losses, and those just aren’t yours or mine to take.

So, I cry with my characters just like I do with my friends. I push my characters just as hard as I push my friends. I acknowledge their pain, encourage them to feel and then encourage them to push past it so that then… they can also celebrate their wins as well.

At the end of the day, with my characters and friends…I don’t want to be comfortable, I want to be able to see and feel their pain because only when that happens can I truly help. I cannot be there for a shadow of a person. Oh, I can try… but we both know it won’t be effective.

So, let yourself feel.

🔥Let your friends see you need to be picked up, dusted off, and told you’re a fucking star… and if they don’t do that… then I will gladly tell you, you’re a fucking star. Your tears sparkle in the sunlight or even in the pale moonlight.

🔥Being comfortable is a trap…Traps are painful. Traps encourage us to bite off our foot in desperation, knowing that later on, we really need that fucking foot.

🔥Relief is yours. If you accept those hard realities, then we can move forward onto greatness.

🌟And for authors…if you find yourself stuck with your characters…maybe it’s time to let them fall on their faces and let them feel. Otherwise, you’ll never grow, either.

At the end of the day… our characters are an extension of ourselves.